too much

from the looks of it- there's just too much of everything. i know we've heard this all before- but seriously!

right now i'm in the process of looking for where to go from graduation. Masters, teaching abroad, big city internship, immersion fellowship, non-profit volunteer position- for crying out loud, how's a girl to decide?

but look down any avenue and the idea of "too much" hits you like a backhanded comment! There's just a lot of information. for me- as i'm weighing these options, i'm researching application processes, and requirements, and all the do and don't haves, and i'm realizing how much i need. unless i'm comparing myself to some standard- i don't usually look back over my accomplishments and think "nope, not enough- i'd better go write a best selling novella, or rescue an endangered species- so that way i can successfully pursue a passion". not at all- i'm proud of what i've mastered thus far, and am excited to see what new paths i'll explore in the future. so then what's with the sudden doubt? my tag is the comparison. the belief that all the "too much" should fit into our short life span in order to matter.

my best friend was relaying a conversation she had the other day with one of her guy friends. if he were a category he'd go in the advantageous hipster fashion mold. the type where even if whitney from the city picked your outfit- it still wouldn't meet standards. that guy. so anyway- her initial response wanting to compensate, to make up for his conceived view of her shortcomings. however, (and this is one of the infinity reasons she's my best friend) she quickly regained her stolen confidence and remembered that she liked how she dressed. that her definition of worth was not tied to her facade- but for a brief moment the "too much" overwhelmed perspective.

so then what? well, i can march forward- knowing that in order to be completely satisfied with our "much", without concerning with the "too", we look to what we know to be true. for me, i know that my heavenly father promises love and provision, regardless of credentials or requirements. so that's what i have to remind myself. i look ahead and hope for the unexpected greatness, and try not to let the overwhelming nature of merit be found in my own advances.