honestly....

i wish people were more honest. ok, let me be specific- men, i wish men where more honest. it’s valentine’s day- i’m in the process of getting ready to go and and meet up with this guy i’ve been talking to for a month or so- but i’m not that excited. and he knows that- i mean that probably sounds terribly awful- but it’s true. and that’s all i really want from the opposite sex- give me the truth. 

the reason that i’m on this soap box tonight stems from two very different situations. 

first: guy number one- let’s call him davis :) so davis is this guy that i met one weekend about a month ago. he’s a friend of a friend- she thought we’d hit it off, but i hate any type of set up- plus i saw his picture, and it didn’t rock my world. wait, we’re being honest, so my exact words were “are you kidding? do you not know me at all?” quite harsh i realize. but then he surprised me- in a good way- and he got more attractive as i got to know him. so to sum up the encounter- it seemed me that we hit it off, just clicked and talked- not just about how great obama’s stimulus plan is, or what’s the best breakfast cereal- but what we want to do when we “grow up”, and how our upbringing affects us as adults. the kind of conversations harry had with sally. i thought it was fun, and contrary to being slightly brainwashed by princess fairy tails, i wasn't even expecting too much. the little that i was hoping for was an agreement that it did mean something. i wanted to know that even if nothing came from our weekend- it was good, and better then normal. just that it mattered. that would have been nice. however, my bad fortune in relationships found me and kicked my ass. no call, no acknowledgement. oh well right? better next time around. so here’s where i circle back to my original thought. why couldn’t he have just be honest with me? yes, i saw the movie “he’s just not that into you” and i’m not denying the possibility. just tell me- did i ask too many questions? was i to cynical? no- wait, you don’t like brunettes right? i don’t want to know the answers to change- i want to know the answers to understand. 

it’s like in “sex in the city” when carrie’s boyfriend advisees miranda on a guy who’s not initiating- “he’s just not into you”- it was liberating! ok, got it, moving on! you want something different, is so much better than silence. 

now the flip side. guy number two- collin- is my best guy friend. he’s actually second in line from my absolute best friend diana- so he’s up there :) anyway we've been friends for a long time, and on and off, i had the biggest thing for him the first two years of our friendship. he’s just an amazing man- really, really good guy. i’ve moved on from that since, and he’s actually about to be engaged to this incredible girl. i couldn't be happier, and remember we’re on this honesty kick- so i mean it. 
anyway, collin and i were talking the other day, and he started off with, “ok don’t get weirded out, but.....” great start right? he proceeds to then tell me how the other morning he was thinking about me, and realized how attracted he is to me. he then explained that he didn’t know why all of the sudden this dawned on him- considering his “soon to be” fiancé- but that he wanted to let me know he thinks i’m beautiful and the complete package. it was refreshing- to hear from this guy, who i used to be crazy about- that i wasn't ignored. that he saw me, he heard me, and it was melodious.   

i relay all of this to prove my point- not stroke my ego- i promise.....

so my point in rehashing these memories is simple. i’m so much better with honesty. neither situation ended with a sunset or white horse, but with the straightforward approach- i know where i stand. now i’m not wanting to let others define my position, but i cannot deny the fact that at times they do. and when they do i want them to be honest- 'cause that's what is going to stick the most.