Runners

Christian men don’t need our encouragement. By “our” I mean single ladies, and by encouragement- I mean placing their achievements in too high a light. Sure it’s great that they are growing in seeking and following God, and yes they are vastly different from unbelieving men, but they haven’t need of our acceptance- instead we should help them seek God’s acceptance and find Him as their first true love.

It seems that in many christian circles I’ve come in contact with, most christian guys are a lot like olympian runners- they’re leaders in character and content- the best of the best. Only we’re seeing them before they start the race. They’re great at stretching, and “wow, look at the determination in their eyes!”. But the gun hasn’t gone off, and we haven’t seen them preform under pressure.

A great friend of mine is now married. He and his bride have been united now for only a week, but even before they were engaged I saw a measure in him that I had not seen prior to marriage. Now let it be noted, that this friend of mine- let’s call him “Bill”- and I have been through the wringer as far as friendships go, and I’m entirely grateful for each conflict. Through the years our relationship has grown from friendship into true sibling love- I would proudly call him my brother- a title I don’t release carelessly. I build this foundation to convey the depth of our friendship, that one might understand how I’ve seen him in varying circumstances and watched as God moved in tremendous ways in his life.

However, in our friendship, although I witnessed his profound love of Christ, and true devotion to our Heavenly Father, I never saw performance and excelling in character as when he was with his bride. She brought out his tender nature and gentle heart. Her passion for Christ united with his in a way that sparked a new sense of compassion in Bill that had not previously been revealed. I continue to be encouraged and amazed at how their union in Christ has brought out such measures of sanctification.

Now back to my argument. As single women I do believe without doubt that we have a large impact on our male friends and brothers in Christ. I’m not even suggesting that we stop displaying God’s love to them in any way, it is undeniably clear throughout scripture that we should encourage our brothers AND sisters in Christ (Acts 15:32, Acts 13:5, 2 Chron. 35:2, Ro. 1:12). However, we do need to protect our affections that they might best glorify God and serve others, and if our affections are to one particular guy- that might not be along the “best glorify God” path. To expand, we do not know the will of God in every circumstance (Acts 1:7), but we do know to an extent our hearts and intentions. And whether our intentions are to “snap twigs” or use a chain saw- every motive should be pure. Far be it from me to land in legalismville, but shouldn’t we err on the side of caution? In matters of feelings and heart murmurs, often times judgment gets clouded and our thoughts are controlled by things other then Christ alone, and guys AND girls do need all the help we can get to make sure our desire streams first to Christ alone.

As we’ve been wisely advised, let’s take this back to the cross. In this matter would Jesus respond with an over exertion of enthusiasm and praise when responding to his disciples? Would he single out Peter or Jude and display life them above the others in merit and work? I think not. In Mark 9 Jesus squashes wrongful motives to land first beside Christ- the greatest of ALL should be Christ- that’s where our thinking should be.His love is clear and certain, and His intention to turn others to our Lord even more resounding. The praise He gives is all to His Father.

I started on this mini rant in response to a life situation. One that I didn’t know how to respond to, so I sought counsel and the direction was obvious. Encouragement is necessary and needed when done with right motivation. Bottom line spares from one of my favorite quotes;
“Love God, and do what you like.”
~St.Augustine
If we are loving God with all we are, our words and motives will reflect that, therefor our heart will be in line with our Saviors’.

One last thought; if every guys is lined up at the starting point of a race, and in running they are choosing to peruse a girl, more power to ‘em! “Run harder, step in faith, pray for you feet to stay under your body!” Encourage away and be strengthened by how God uses them in that moment. But before the race, cation needs be applied. Not only for our hearts and motives, but so that we don’t pull the trigger before God does.

fairy tales and drowsiness

Right about now the sun should be shinning, the birds chirping, and the flowers blooming- and if i where coherent enough to be paying attention- i might notice. but alas i'm in the midst of the final stretch before summer break, ok wait summer blink before i head back to classes again after a whole two week stretch.

But enough of my whining. In the middle of one of my sanity study breaks I found this beautiful setting by Sarah Ridgley...



Ridgley specializes in letterpress invitations (check her out at http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=502351), and her home was featured on design sponge.

Sure it might just seem like an ordinary minimalist fireside, but to me it captures an entire mix of emotions. I see rainy days, followed by hot chocolate and a good book beside the fire. It draws me back to christmas this past year, when family members hung around just catching up, and digesting way too much delicious food. I think of "The Chronicles of Narnia" and imagine this fireplace as a lost span between fairy tale and drowsiness. And then the chair, I love that color- it cries fall and pumpkin pie two of my favorite things (thank you julie andrews). So there you have it- a simple picture can start my rabbit trail at a million miles a minuet. awww but i'm so grateful, and glad that little things still bring me joy.

tall, straight up

I can't help it- i'm a bit obsessed with these shoes. sure they might not look like much more then simple flats- but they're just perfect for the warmer months. the perforations allow for breathability, and the footbed is cushioned. oh and the fact that they're flat with no heel adds to my infatuation.

Here's the thing- i'm tall. Above the average height for women which is 5'5''- i stand at 5'8'' -this can be frustrating when shoe shopping. my predicament is that i love heels, but am drawn to average heigh guys, so that means i either pull the kate holmes/ tom cruse look, or i suck it up and find flats that spark. so while i do enjoy walking close to the ground, raised 3.5'' heigh in heels feels a bit sexier.

I remember the first guy i kissed, second guy i dated- joe X. he was exactly my height. not a millimeter in difference. anyway, i learned how to lean to one side, stand short, and slouch to give the illusion of being shorter. all of these ploys were ridiculous- i mean for crying out loud i was more concerned with his challenged ego than my posture and persona. i used to joke with my friends that he'd put a little lift in his own shoes for prom. i mean the guy needed be able to put his arms around my shoulders without his limbs falling asleep. :)

Then the guy after him was 6'4''- no problem there, in fact i specifically remembering going out and buying three pairs of shoes- all with at least 3'' heels. i even think i strutted around joe X in defiance- what a brat.

But isn't height just another standard that puts us in categories before we even realize they were there to begin with? i mean if you're a short guy- making up for with clever jokes and charming cover usually does the trick. and if your a girl- it's a lot easier to be cute and cuddly if your below the marilyn monroe mark. can you imagine an Amazonian breathily saying "happy birthday mr. president" and then bending down to give him a kiss? nope- it's much better up. the only kiss down i want is in trying to recreate the spiderman moment.

so anyway, after years of trying to accommodate, i've started wearing heels whenever. even ones with 4'' heels. i guess all roads lead up. :)

have in mind

I don’t think there’s a time when I’m not observing, critically observing. Not in a negative way, just in an intrigued- want to figure you out- kind of way. Typically I’m outspoken, and opinionated, and sometimes a tad on the brazen side. But when I first meet someone, I am none of the above. Shy, introverted and hesitant would be the words best to describe my conference at first encounter. The best example I can think of is the approach a snow leopard has before an attack. Usually shy in nature, the leopard carefully watches her victim for a while before making her final move- becoming confident and steady in her attack before her final blow.

Now of course I’ve stopped perching on couches, and peering from behind the corner when I’m observing, some people just found that a bit odd, but I still keep my emotional distance as concealed as possible.

I assume this behavior is due to the combination of inquisitiveness and skepticism. That step into the unknown, but hope in the possibility. Characteristics which are necessary when meeting new people, right? I wouldn't want someone to form a negative opinion based mainly on uncertainty, I'd appreciate a bit of possibility mixed into the encounter. So that's what I try to have, because it seems thats sometimes believing the best of a person involves faith and naivety.

too much

from the looks of it- there's just too much of everything. i know we've heard this all before- but seriously!

right now i'm in the process of looking for where to go from graduation. Masters, teaching abroad, big city internship, immersion fellowship, non-profit volunteer position- for crying out loud, how's a girl to decide?

but look down any avenue and the idea of "too much" hits you like a backhanded comment! There's just a lot of information. for me- as i'm weighing these options, i'm researching application processes, and requirements, and all the do and don't haves, and i'm realizing how much i need. unless i'm comparing myself to some standard- i don't usually look back over my accomplishments and think "nope, not enough- i'd better go write a best selling novella, or rescue an endangered species- so that way i can successfully pursue a passion". not at all- i'm proud of what i've mastered thus far, and am excited to see what new paths i'll explore in the future. so then what's with the sudden doubt? my tag is the comparison. the belief that all the "too much" should fit into our short life span in order to matter.

my best friend was relaying a conversation she had the other day with one of her guy friends. if he were a category he'd go in the advantageous hipster fashion mold. the type where even if whitney from the city picked your outfit- it still wouldn't meet standards. that guy. so anyway- her initial response wanting to compensate, to make up for his conceived view of her shortcomings. however, (and this is one of the infinity reasons she's my best friend) she quickly regained her stolen confidence and remembered that she liked how she dressed. that her definition of worth was not tied to her facade- but for a brief moment the "too much" overwhelmed perspective.

so then what? well, i can march forward- knowing that in order to be completely satisfied with our "much", without concerning with the "too", we look to what we know to be true. for me, i know that my heavenly father promises love and provision, regardless of credentials or requirements. so that's what i have to remind myself. i look ahead and hope for the unexpected greatness, and try not to let the overwhelming nature of merit be found in my own advances.

honestly....

i wish people were more honest. ok, let me be specific- men, i wish men where more honest. it’s valentine’s day- i’m in the process of getting ready to go and and meet up with this guy i’ve been talking to for a month or so- but i’m not that excited. and he knows that- i mean that probably sounds terribly awful- but it’s true. and that’s all i really want from the opposite sex- give me the truth. 

the reason that i’m on this soap box tonight stems from two very different situations. 

first: guy number one- let’s call him davis :) so davis is this guy that i met one weekend about a month ago. he’s a friend of a friend- she thought we’d hit it off, but i hate any type of set up- plus i saw his picture, and it didn’t rock my world. wait, we’re being honest, so my exact words were “are you kidding? do you not know me at all?” quite harsh i realize. but then he surprised me- in a good way- and he got more attractive as i got to know him. so to sum up the encounter- it seemed me that we hit it off, just clicked and talked- not just about how great obama’s stimulus plan is, or what’s the best breakfast cereal- but what we want to do when we “grow up”, and how our upbringing affects us as adults. the kind of conversations harry had with sally. i thought it was fun, and contrary to being slightly brainwashed by princess fairy tails, i wasn't even expecting too much. the little that i was hoping for was an agreement that it did mean something. i wanted to know that even if nothing came from our weekend- it was good, and better then normal. just that it mattered. that would have been nice. however, my bad fortune in relationships found me and kicked my ass. no call, no acknowledgement. oh well right? better next time around. so here’s where i circle back to my original thought. why couldn’t he have just be honest with me? yes, i saw the movie “he’s just not that into you” and i’m not denying the possibility. just tell me- did i ask too many questions? was i to cynical? no- wait, you don’t like brunettes right? i don’t want to know the answers to change- i want to know the answers to understand. 

it’s like in “sex in the city” when carrie’s boyfriend advisees miranda on a guy who’s not initiating- “he’s just not into you”- it was liberating! ok, got it, moving on! you want something different, is so much better than silence. 

now the flip side. guy number two- collin- is my best guy friend. he’s actually second in line from my absolute best friend diana- so he’s up there :) anyway we've been friends for a long time, and on and off, i had the biggest thing for him the first two years of our friendship. he’s just an amazing man- really, really good guy. i’ve moved on from that since, and he’s actually about to be engaged to this incredible girl. i couldn't be happier, and remember we’re on this honesty kick- so i mean it. 
anyway, collin and i were talking the other day, and he started off with, “ok don’t get weirded out, but.....” great start right? he proceeds to then tell me how the other morning he was thinking about me, and realized how attracted he is to me. he then explained that he didn’t know why all of the sudden this dawned on him- considering his “soon to be” fiancé- but that he wanted to let me know he thinks i’m beautiful and the complete package. it was refreshing- to hear from this guy, who i used to be crazy about- that i wasn't ignored. that he saw me, he heard me, and it was melodious.   

i relay all of this to prove my point- not stroke my ego- i promise.....

so my point in rehashing these memories is simple. i’m so much better with honesty. neither situation ended with a sunset or white horse, but with the straightforward approach- i know where i stand. now i’m not wanting to let others define my position, but i cannot deny the fact that at times they do. and when they do i want them to be honest- 'cause that's what is going to stick the most.  

maybends

It’s crazy how people in context can affect the one’s personal status. For example the other night I was with a group of “maybends. “maybends” are those who you’ve meet and have hung out with long enough to be still worried about the boundaries, but not overly anxious so that you don’t open up. Anyway, my “maybends didn’t know that I have traveled to Italy and speak a minimal amount of italian, however they were relatively unimpressed with my rendition of “goodnight moon” which was a learning tool to incorporate more italian vocab. So anyway- to these new friends, whose backgrounds vary from dartmouth to oxford, my semi skill was seemed to pat me on the back- you know the “aww, she learned how to brush her teeth” kinda way.

However, if this same situation where to have played out with a different group of friends- let’s say a group of friends that know me quite well- they type of people that share in your pain- when you flubbed up in front of your superior, or you had one to many to drink, and told them exactly how annoying they could be sometimes- those friends. those friend, they get excited that you now know the difference between the plural and singular article changes. those friends might laugh when you fall, but they’re still beside you to make sure you didn’t brake anything.

So my question then is- why do we put ourselves in those situations? do we chalk it up to the belief that the “maybends” will become “old” friends. and if so- how long until they make that transition. i still have friends that i’ve called dear for years, but if i’m honest- they’re still in the “maybends” category. and then on the flip side, there’s friends in the “old” category who have transcended into the “forever” list. they’re my favorite. given there’s only a handful. but i know that i can reach them at anytime and hear a friendly and loving tone. that’s rare. and maybe sometime in the future, i’ll add some more. and hopefully- a few of those “maybends” will make some moves as well.